The Min Report – WWE Monday Night Raw – 19 03 2012
YES! is the new WHAT?
About 10 years ago when The Min Report first started, some week’s were simply entitled HOT or NOT – a simple rundown of the good and bad of the week. Since then numerous shows and blogs have followed suit, but I thought it might be a nice time to bring it back and up to date for this week’s Raw. Getting conscious that this is more and more becoming a needless rundown of events we’ve all seen already and less about the banter as expected. Anyway, on with the show…let’s expand with a little MAX or MIN:
The Punk/Jericho exchange to open the show. Really gritty stuff. Last week I said I’m not convinced this needs to be used now, but at least it’s being done well between them. Punk’s playing the pissed-off guy so well – loving that they let him use an F-Bomb even if it was bleeped. Bet the live crowd loved that. There’s an art to using family members in a feud – Rock bombed using the mum joke last week, but Jericho is excelling with the Dad and Sister digs. Kudos.
The Rock going from one week talking about how he’s 50% penis, to the next week talking about his tiny pebbles (you want some fruit with those Rocky?). Either you’ve always been all-man or you haven’t. Be consistent for the love of Buddha.
The Cena car crash story. An unneeded slap in the face to the audience. Nothing more needs to be said than that. The very fact they didn’t overplay it in the end shows how badly this was received during the day from fans. Twitter matters clearly. However…
What the Cena car crash story seems to have done to his performance. We actually got the impression that Cena was truly battling as a result – he looked like I dare say, he was selling? On the same note, great performance from Mark Henry this week. I’d say both his and Cena’s best matches of the year (on weekly free TV at least). That’s called using your TV time well to display your strengths folks.
Santino’s piss-take running the ropes while speed walking. Still better than Kelly Kelly will ever do it. Equally his painted-on abs. Funny stuff.
Jerry Lawler – “That’s not a smartphone, it’s a BlackBerry.” How stupid can one man be? Marketing team behind BlackBerry OS have a lawsuit in the post as we speak.
Kofi and Truth v Ziggler and Swagger. 2 black faces v 2 white heels. It’s like the 80’s in reverse! Martin Luther King would be proud.
The moment when Shawn’s face turned towards Taker, while at the same time had one eye on Trip and the other on the hotdog stand in row W. Wang-eyed legend. Hilarious stuff.
R-Truths positioning for Ziggler’s FameAsser. Not a move that looks good performed below sea-level it has to be said. I guess that R tattooed on his chest stands for retard this week.
The Fake Bake/Cement combo on Triple H’s head. I realise that without it his forehead looks worse than Dusty Rhodes, but if that layer builds up any further it’ll actually stick out further than his nose.
The return of the top of the ramp interview! Really enjoyed the Orton promo with Josh Matthews. Had a really nice early 90’s vibe to it. Just a shame that at some point at Mania we’re gonna have to see Kane take another RKO.
Jericho and Shawn’s stupidly high (or more non-existent) sideburns. I touched on this a few weeks back. Someone take the razor away from these guys before they hurt themselves.
I know there’s a new Turtles project in the pipeline, but enough with the Shredder mask now please Kane. It’s embarrassing. Equally, Big Show’s ‘camouflage’ outfit – seriously, who’s he’s ever gonna be hiding from wearing that? Stevie Wonder?
Cody Rhodes. Week on week he gets better and better. I actually ‘laughed out loud’ at the shadow boxing. Credit where it’s due to Big Show, I think this feud is setting Cody up for a strong year post WM.
Daniel Bryan. Continuing to prove that wrestling matters, and that real talent can make even one word work. YES! is the new WHAT?
Zack Ryder spent weeks in a back brace at the hands of Kane. He makes it back, doesn’t even mention Kane, gets stood up by and played by Eve, and has to petition to get in on a 12 man tag at WM. Loser.
AJ. Yeah it’s dangerous ground as she borders on the horizon of legality in her appearance most weeks, but she continues to be the hottest thing you could fit under your desk at work. Also likely to soon equal Tulisa in dodgy video searches soon I wouldn’t mind betting. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a rock chic. #TrainingBra
Wait a MIN-UTE…(for those bits where I can’t decide if it’s good or bad!)
Rock and Rocky…
Wasn’t I talking 2 weeks ago about how Americans revered even statues of movie characters. This week Rocky was in Philly expressing how the very same statue of Rocky Balboa – an inanimate object – inspired him to ‘become great’. While I know I praised Cena for his new found selling earlier I know it wont last, so I can still safely say this is good because he’ll be facing another inanimate object at WM28 too. Interesting that the Rocky statue doesn’t reciprocate the Rock’s love for it though. That statue is clearly an Orton fan. Just look at the pose. “Yo Adrian, I did it!”. If Talia Shire turns up at WM28, I will actually piss myself.
The Prince is back…
The Lord Tensai promo vid. Another one of WWE’s worst kept secrets. Bald head (unless it’s Taker’s post mania gimmick) and tattoos give it away of course – yes we know it’s Matt Bloom/Albert and although a clear nod to his time in Japan I just find the re-package a bit bizarre. Although as we all know of course, regardless of what Yoshi Tatsu claims, Tensai is actually Japanese for ‘Pierced Bellend’.
General thought on this week first (and won’t dwell on this) is that I really liked the show. Great opening with Punk and Jericho; Enjoyed the match between Cena and Henry and thought the exclamation point after from Rock was cool; Cody continues to build his stock; and the end promo for Trip/Taker/HBK kept things bubbling even though it didn’t really add a lot to the overall picture. Don’t expect much wrestling this close to WM naturally but enough to keep the appetite wet.
Less than 2 weeks to go people! This time next week I’ll be on a plane to Miami baby! Woooooooo!
Simm ‘The Min’ Minogue.
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